The Internet Book Database of Fiction

here's an interesting little known fact. during the early 20th century england's mayonnaise industry was at it's zenith, producing 20 million tons of premier mayonnaise every day.

in 1912, the english mayonnaise companies contracted with the White Star line to deliver a large shipment to central america so that our spanish speaking brethren would be introduced to the joy that is mayonnaise smothered french fries. needless to say, the mexicans were awaiting the shipment with baited breath (or a load snore during siesta).

White Star decided to send the shipment on the Titanic and the second port of call after New York City was going to be Veracruz, Mexico. this proved to be one of the greatest mistakes of all time as the 'unsinkable' Titanic proved not to be so.

needless to say the mexicans were quite disheartened when they heard about this (the loss of the mayonnaise) and so they created a national day of rememberance to commemorate the tragedy.

even to this day you can go to mexico and observe sinko da mayo.
[rimshot]

credit where credit is due:
thanks john boy and billy

/me puts head down on desk, and sobs silently ...

That was painful.

I can well imagine for a recovering pun addict such as yourself Brad - you must have felt the flashbacks!!!

kilt

with a subject line that puns humour ~= hume-hair you were expecting quality?

[bob slaps brad with a mullet]

begone you english kaniggit before i fart in your general direction.

on to more terrible jokes:

new evidence in the kobe bryant case seems to indicate that kobe (bean to his friends) is half guilty and half innocent.

according to new testimony from the plaintiff, only the first eight inches was consensual.

In the book "Raise the Titanic"... didn't the hero stumble upon that mayo store rotting away... and say Eu reek a?

^^^^ now THAT'S what i'ma talkin bout. good to see someone else getting into the spirit of the thing.

some of you may have noticed that i'm a psycho-Sadist, that is to say i get my rocks off by mis-using reason and logic to cause excruciating pain to the minds of intelligent entities everywhere.

so without further ado;
Q - what color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?
A - blue
Q - blue? how do you know that?
A - one blue this way, one blue that way

bob, fine purveyor of tasteless jokes for 35 years

Ya know, I was aDRESSING this situation earlier, when I mentioned that I was a recovering pun addict. But no - you just had to SLIP in another pun relating to the sinking of a shipment of rotting mayo.

/me begins developing a nervous tic at the corner of his mouth, ala Chief Inspector Dreyfus ...

Sorry Brad... If I had know you were dressing... I would have knocked first.

The hidiousness of that foot will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life

Well, see that you do next time.

My personal DRESSING habits are not something that I'd want casually SPREAD ABOUT, in willy nilly fashion. If that happens, I'll raise an unholy STINK about it, and it'll be a long time before it SLIPS quietly back down into the depths from which it came.

Now, can we close the SANDWICH on this discussion, or do you have still more constipated puns that you need to work out of your system ?

No, I'm good... I don't think there is any need to SKIRT these issues any longer. After all, nothing can be done about the CRUST that has formed on this topic. Perhaps it would be best if the LETTUCE change the topic now. Else we might get our salad, sandwich, and evening ware confused, and that would be a true PICKLE.

Whether or not they LETTUCE change the conversation is irelevant to the point I was making about puns. They're a TITANIC threat to everyone in the vicinity.

Look, if you wanna drill this particular humor schtick into the ground, that's your business ... but at least have the decency to slip on a CONDIMENT first, so that you don't SPREAD your vile affliction to others.

You have BUN WARMED.

/me feels a seizure coming on, and hastily reaches for the anti-pun meds ...

Brad, heavily drugged by highly narcotic anti-pun meds, thrashes in his sleep ...

In his dreams, he is seized in a JEWISH delicatessan, dragged before a RYE-ly smiling Pontius PILOT (CRACKER), and sentenced to death.

The ROMAINES force him to drag a large CROiSSant through the streets while onlookers get their JELLIES by hurling noxious PUNS at him. Then, they spike him to the CROiSSant, stand it on end, and pierce his side with a long COCKTAIL TOOTHPICK ... causing KETCHUP to spill down his side.

The ROMAINES laugh and dice over his tattered GARNISHES ... and when the approaching storm finally breaks, they stand witness to Brad's TARTARdom.

/me awakens from nocturnal punmare, screaming

Trebor, you fool ... look what you've done to me !

oh this thread is progressing very nicely indeed.

forgot the lame joke:

[Dr. McCoy kneels over Sourdough, the latest red shirted ensign]

"He's bread, Jim!"


jokes so bad, you just can't stop reading

Dick in Jane ran up the hill.

noticing that Jane was lagging behind Dick asks "are you coming Jane "?

"No" replies Jane "I'm not even breathing hard yet".

Brad... I have not created the monster that is your pun-master-ishness... I have only helped it come forth...

A lady was asked why she sdidn't buy more toilet paper,

she replied that she had checked her cupboard before she left and....

To thine own shelf be two

No ... no ... you don't understand what you're unleashing here ... stop ... you fools !

/Brad turns into a monster



ARRRRRGGGHHHH .... BRAD SMASH PUN-Y PUN-STERS !!!

Brad... lookin good

I guess it is as they say:

It ain't easy being Green

Ok Brad... I will stop Punning around. No more pun stuff. I will just punt.

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating on a lake?

A: Bob

what a dipstick, i can't believe you didn't get that.

OK... here are all the no arms, no legs jokes I remember from elementary school....


On a Wall

A: Art

On your Doorstep

A: Matt

In your mailbox

A: Bill

When he is really angery

A: Red



Hope this helps lower the intelectual level of this forum

pffft! that's all the amputee jokes you got? talk about bringing a knife to a gunfight.

i wave my private parts in your direction, you silly english ka-nig-it.

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs that you hang Art on?
A: Wally

Q: what do you call an irish girl with no arms and one leg?
A: Eileen

Q: what do you call a chinese girl with no arms and one leg?
A: Irene

Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs after you squeeze his head?
A: Pop

don't even make me bust out my 'Bob' book (yes, there is an entire book of quadruple amputee jokes ... and i own it. fear me)

(Up to the next level of offensivness)

What is the only thing worse than finding a baby in a trashcan?

A: Finding Half a Baby

Q: what's red and green and goes around and around?
A: a frog in a blender

Frog in a blender here (I think... I am at work and the site is blocked) http://www.joecartoon.com



How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 2... but they have to be really careful

Q: what do you call an ethiopian with a dog?
A: a vegetarian

Q: what do you call an ethiopian with two dogs?
A: a rancher

Q: what's red and white and goes around and around?
A: a baby in a blender
(hah, let's see treb find an animation for that!)